HEY THERE, IT’S TERROR TIME!

WITCH SCHOOL

When you visit my website, the first section you’ll see is a little bit about Witch School. I plan a whole calendar of activities which I change, add to, delete from, and generally muck up as we go along. Being mercurial adds to my charisma. Also, it’s fun to keep those little urchins on their toes. They’re never quite sure what’s happening and why (which is how all children should feel in my wise opinion).

TOP SECRET | CATEGORIES

The next section shows you all the categories for my different diary entries. For example, if you would like witchly fashion and beauty advice, click on STYLE and it will open up a page full of posts. If you want to see what they look like, I will show you in a minute. I promise. So settle down, Human. Also, if you tried to click on the photos here, I am laughing at you. Remember, you have to go to the website first.

AS PROMISED | POSTS

This is what you will see when you click on one of those categories above. It will be a whole bunch of these post titles. Hold your cursor over one of them and click it. The post opens up and shows you the story and photos. (No! Not now. Go to the website first).

NEW DORK TIMES BESTSELLER

The third section is a link to read my book, the latest daring, heroic, adventure of the most brilliant and beautiful witch to have ever lived. More brilliant than any witch ever before me. Without any help from anyone, I planned and executed the most diabolical heist of that 1955 Chevy I’ve has coveted for decades. The caper turned out exactly the way I planned despite the surprise ending. No, really. I planned it that way. You probably already read it, but read it again. It’s a classic. (Film rights are available).

ME IN THE NEWS

My therapist says I shouldn’t brag, but I am a bit of a literary genius. I was featured in the November issue of Ladybug Magazine last year. I was the subject of the storytelling competition, the best judge ever, and presented the prestigious prizes to the winning young writers. You can read about it in the fourth section.

THIRTEEN WICKED POEMS

You can be the first in your coven to read Volume 1 of “13 Wicked Poems” by the world-reknowned witch-poet — ME! I really need to find where I saved Volume II so you can read that too. I am writing Volume III now. You may have seen a few of my newest poems if you subscribe to my annual Slimy Stalk poetry newsletter. You’ll find some more in this fifth section. Or if you’d like to purchase a copy of this book, it’s available at Amazon, Nile, and Yangtze.

ANNOY ME

The sixth section of my Secret Diary is the most irritating by far. I want to punch every single one of those smirking little pumpkins. I want to squash their gourds, if you pardon my pun. You might as well irritate me too. Click the rectangular button on the left that says BOTHER ME if you want to send me a message (I might even answer). Click the one on the right that says SPY ON ME to subscribe to my newsletter which I never write unless I feel like it which is almost never because of all these annoyances and irritations. On second thought, just leave me alone.

THIS YEAR’S WITCH SCHOOL

This final section is called Witch School Memories - 2021. It will contain all the current diary posts for October 1-31. As you can see, we’re just getting started, but there’s already been a great deal of superb teaching, with equal measures of detention for too much sharing and smiling. Under each photo you get a little preview of the story and a little “Read More” link. Click on that to see the rest. (Again, don’t click here. You have to go to the website). Okay, I prepped you enough. Before you leave, here’s a few things you’ll see on this seventh and final part of my Secret Diary, the new posts from Witch School this year…

AN EXCITING INVITATION

The beautiful Keith May and Stupid Granny were so excited when their  three youngest grandchildren each received an invitation to enroll in this year’s Witch School. What they don’t know is that I plan to trick these gullible youngsters into helping me get rid of Granny once and for all. I have made some secret arrangements with Mr. Elon Musk, a part-time professor at Hogwarts. She will be on his next space launch where an unfortunate accident will occur involving mint dental floss. Oh, don’t whimper. You know she deserves it. 

I NEVER KNEW MY PARENTS

Keith May will make such a nice husband for me. Even though his father is dead, he reminds the kids about him so they remember better. It was their Grandpa Bob’s birthday and he brought the family little magic cakes. If you close your eyes and take a bite you can feel how much Grandpa Bob loved you.

I need to get this spell! I never knew my real parents and always wondered who they were, what happened to them, if they liked me, and why they gave me away when I was a baby. Maybe if I had that spell, I could remember them and answer all these questions. I bet when I marry him, he will tell me this spell.

I think maybe the best part of this cake ritual is the kids seeing their grandparents getting choked up and fighting back tears. Seeing how much they loved their parents. Keith May admired his father greatly, and it showed. (Made me want to puke though).

I VANT TO SUCK YUR BLUD!

The kids donned their vampire capes and drank blood from the vampire goblet. At last, they were ready to manifest some vampires! First, we made their heads from donuts. Then we enchanted them so if they were not eaten by midnight, they would grow bodies and haunt the earth. Don’t worry, you’re safe (down to every last crumb). You will note there was some confusion regarding widow’s peaks versus bandit masks. Stupid Granny teaches them nothing!

JUST GIVE UP, STUPID GRANNY

I am on my way to super stardom in the art world. My contests will propel me to fame. I am such a capable witch. I admire me so much. I can hardly wait for the millions and billions of entries to start rolling in. I love being a witch.

Don’t you just love the beautiful announcement my flying monkey #6 made? I have nine of them now. It used to be 18 but they irritate me sometimes.

• • • UGLY BUGLY’S SECRET DIARY • • •
If you swear to take my side when I make my move against Stupid Granny, you may visit my website and see my Secret Diary for yourself. You can click HERE until October 31.

• • • GRANNY BUNNY ARCHIVE • • •
If you are looking for other ideas in the back issues of these Granny Bunny letters, you can click HERE to find them all.