As we walk through life
there are ruts that twist our ankle
stones that cause a stumble
we expect as much

but then there are
those singular events
none of us expect
when time dissolves

the universe stops
to bear witness
as we’re hurled off the planet
to float in utter darkness

I see her photo
pop up on my phone
that beautiful face

I notice the sparkling ringtone
it suits her exuberance 

just seconds later
life forever changes

there are deep ruts and huge stones on her path
I will walk it with her

I sit with fingers frozen on the keyboard
resisting the poem that wants to be written

fearing if I begin
my chance to contain it 
will blink into darkness

fearing if I begin
the pain will explode
across the cosmos

Fearing if I speak it
it will find the power
to be true

this is the one thing in life
so unthinkable and raw
it must be choked to death

silence is my sole hope
of stopping it 
in its cloven tracks

I feel a cloak of space around me
a refuge of mercy
easing the pains of living
calming my rage
soothing my fears
muting my ruminations

I can walk through life
in a state of grace
rediscovering
my distance

distance
from this weight
from this world
from this  

I have inhaled so much of the world
and exhaled so much of me
there is little left

I am mostly empty
porous now
so even the greatest wind
can’t knock me down

The atoms we breathe
the atoms we eat
I wonder what they were
before they were us

the hair we cut
the cells we sweat
I wonder where these
specks of us go next

I feel my body
none of these atoms
bear my name 

only borrowed stardust
waiting to be surrendered
and shared anew   

Who is this person
staring back at me
from the mirror

what are those
deep lines
scarring my face

I am cracking

age is shattering
my facade
cracking away
the picture
I worked so hard
to paint
on my surface

cracking more
each day

I decide
not to be afraid

I know how this works

when at last I break
I will finally be
beautiful

There are people
who sift through your deeds
to contort your kindness
to prove your selfishness

there are people
who parse your words
to wield misshapen weapons
to convict you behind your back

there are people
who collude
repeating their falsehoods
until they feel like truth
what you said lies
what you did lies
how you felt lies

there are people
who diminsh you
ripping the pen from your hand
erasing you for all time

there are people
who don’t want you here
you are in their way
the log in their road
the unwelcome weight
the cause of their suffering

there are people like that
you always knew this
but you didn’t know
until today
among them
are people you love

I think maybe
that is why
we finally die

death is only welcomed
when we are not

It’s a whiny morning
the irritation started
when I dropped the toothpaste cap 
it is such a bother to bend over sometimes

there’s no floss left
my sandals are MIA
I’m too annoyed to make breakfast

I brood silently in the car
while we ride to Hardee’s
oh, great
I forgot my glasses
I give up

my life is too hard

I scowl at Courney & Dee
who were working the counter

I want to complain about your jelly
you switched vendors
I can tell
and now there’s only half as much jelly in the packet
and the new plastic is almost impossible to tear
look at my fingers
they are so arthritic
it hurts me to open your jelly now
really hurts me!

Courtney looks at my hands
she gently apologizes for my problems

that’s what I needed
someone to play along with my insanity
so I could pretend
this chaos was about jelly and toothpaste caps

some part of me was saved by that jelly apology

but then the hand of god reached through the clouds
through the roof of Hardee’s
right to my soul

Dee brought a tray to my booth
with the biscuit I’d ordered
with THREE packets of jelly
so there would be enough
and she’d cut them open
so my fingers wouldn’t hurt

and it’s silly that it makes me cry when I think about it
but when your heart is breaking and people are dying
an unexpected act of profound kindness
can save you

you don’t ever forget it

I am reminded
to try harder to feel what people need
to try harder to give it to them

even jelly packets can bring you back to love

Her mom died today
so I am thinking about my own
lost too long ago

memories of my mother
fade with time
but the feel of her
is always there

the way she held her coffee cup
the way she tucked her feet
when she curled up in a chair
the unbearable softness of her hands

the rest fades
her favorite books
her noblest deeds
her brightest passions

but the feel of her
is always there

how do we measure her life
the thousands of towels she folded
the countless tears she cried
the hands of bridge she played
the loaves of bread she baked
all she was
all she did
all is gone

if
in the end
remembering is all that’s left
to be unforgettable
should be our goal

to fill souls
with the truth of our unguarded self
to fill hearts
with our deepest unwavering love

so as memories fade
the feel of us
is always there

If you’re wondering what got me started writing poems, you’ll find the story here. Or, if you’re wondering why this collection is called Slender Stalk, click here. If you’re wondering where you can read the past issues of Slender Stalk, click here. If you’re wondering where you can read more of my poems, check out my website: Life at 240.

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