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The pandemic solidified something I’ve suspected for a long time. It’s radically changed my concept of freedom. I used to think of freedom in terms of freedom to choose, freedom from restrictions, free to do what I want. I don’t think of freedom like that anymore. I think Bobby McGee had it right: “Freedom’s just another word for nothin' left to lose.” The simpler my life got during the year of isolation, the more freedom I felt. With my choices and options severely limited, I was forced to attend to the few things in front of me. I found that very freeing. Freedom to me is increasingly taking the shape of minimal choices. To me that means simplicity and flowing with what life brings rather than tightly controlling my experiences. It means feeling the feelings I normally buffer, distract, and from which I run. I know many people live their whole lives this way — people like my husband Keith. But I am a bit of a “control-freak” so this is relatively new for me. I feel like I am falling from a cliff most of the time. But I’m learning! And that in itself is glorious. For me, the pandemic was like a spiritual retreat. It illuminated the habitual, thoughtless patterns in my life — the majority of which I ran on auto-pilot. It also revealed a huge empty block of time that was normally filled with choosing processes. Less stuff, less choices. I no longer think freedom is “freedom to do whatever you choose.” I think freedom is “freedom from doing, freedom from choosing, freedom to just be.” I see this theme coming up more in my poetry, and writing this to you helped me understand why. I sure can be wordy. Sorry. I have to go “choose” what to make for supper now. Sending love your way, and I hope you enjoy the poems. I also hope you write some and share them with me. — Mary May
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