ABOUT ME

I founded my Witch School in 1979, over forty years ago. The content has been carefully designed and refined by me, Ugly Bugly the Witch. I am a professional witch with all the degrees and experience you would want in the Dean or Chancellor of any prestigious university. I also have all the frightful experience and villainy you would want in a Tier One witch. My vita is simply too extensive to fit in the confines of the internet, so just trust me on this.

I have been exiled to the moon, banished from the UK for burning down a barn (long story), managed Unicorn School at Hogwarts (despite some tragic mishaps), and am a self-published poet with countless volumes to my credit (I believe there are three). And these wondrous feats are just a tasty sample of my average Wednesday.

My Witch School presents you with a unique opportunity to pad your resume while simultaneously learning a proper witching trade. The course content has been tested on hundreds of unwilling flying monkeys (may they rest in peace). In addition, there were three unfortunate gentlemen volunteers who were used as test subjects until 1984. (I will say no more without my attorney present).

So, now that you know this scam is accredited, what’s stopping you from living your dream? Don’t keep yawning through life. Join the world-reknowned faculty of my Witch School.

STOP BORING YOUR FRIENDS WITH PHOTOS OF YOUR FOOD. BE A PROFESSOR!

WHAT IS WITCH SCHOOL?

It is an enchanted curriculum of magic-rich classes which develop childrens’ skills in critical areas they will need to find success on the fiendish roller coaster humans call the 21st century. The skill sets developed in this year’s cohort of Witch School include Level One coursework in the following disciplines:

Spooky Potions

Bad Advice

Wicked Styles

Naughty Mischief

Creepy Secrets

International  intellectual property laws restrict me from telling you more until you enroll. 

IF YOU CAN THROW A KID’S BIRTHDAY PARTY,
YOU CAN DO THIS!

HOW DOES THIS WORK?

1. You press the enticing and magical green button below.
2. You become my minion.
3. You receive my fabulous 10-module course (more on that later).
4. You never open it, quit part way, or finish it at your own pace.
5. When you finish studying, find one or more students.
6. Offer your first cohort of Witch School. BAM! You are official.

WELCOME TO THE FACULTY, PROFESSOR

(By the way, the course is about half as long as this ad).

My Darling, your enduring happiness is my only concern. Perhaps it’s time to admit your pathetic life has disappointed you (and probably your family and friends). Face it, you are an average human. It’s time to just accept nothing you accomplish will fulfill you — then read on because I have the secret to your last chance for happiness.

Despite the hamster drudgery of the treadmill you live on, you can still find true meaning and deep purpose as my minion. You’ve seen the cartoons. Do you know anyone who is happier than a minion? (Don’t answer. It’s rhetorical).

And, as if being my minion is not the dream job you have always coveted, you also have the supremely chic opportunity to level-up to the role of certified PROFESSOR of my world-renowned Witch School.

Once you have completed my fully accredited course of study, you will be prepared to alter reality on this entire planet for countless numbers of innocent children whose trust you will necessarily exploit.

It’s time to wise up. The truth is one in the hand is worth exactly one in the bush. So stop playing it safe. Leave the mundane rut you call a life and change the world. Learn some stuff. Teach some stuff. BAM! You are a Witch School Professor! Kids love you and think you’re the wickedest thing ever. C’mon! You know you want to.

LAST CHANCE

On the other hand, if a group of Hollywood icons are the thing that finally convinces you to join up, sadly, you’re probably minion material. No worries. We aren’t all made for greatness. 
   

FINAL BUTTON TIME

Each of these ten modules sell separately for $100,000 each. For those of you who were educated in the United States, that’s a $1 million dollar value. You can pay $1,000,000 or, if you have a wand, it’s free. (We call that a witch perk)! Press the button below.

UH, AT THIS POINT
YA MIGHT WANNA FIND A WAND