Deviant Family Football
Many, many years ago, I was getting a little tired of our classic Thanksgiving Traditions and decided we needed a little more zing (code word for crazy). That’s when I invented this festive take on flag football.
THE PLAYERS
Instead of red team and blue team, we have THE TURKEYS (all the guys, of course) versus THE HUNTERS (all the gals). I am excited by the dynamic of boys against girls in football. It’s diabolical. They feel like big losers if they beat up a girl. They feel like big losers if they lose to a girl. This takes the guys off their game. Their angst is palpable (except for the sociopaths).
THE FLAGS
I bought some camo fabric and cut cute little flags for the ladies back pockets. For the guys’ flags, I took oversized flour dish cloths and drew turkeys on them with marker (Keith is the artist in the family but I wanted this to be a surprise for him too).
The guys’ flags were so long, they almost dragged on the ground. This definitely helps to even the playing field.
THE REF
Officials are optional. We have played with and without and never noticed any difference. My mom originally filled this role. We gave her a chair and a whistle and she would randomly toot now and then for reasons only known to her. It is key to have a Ref who is not well versed in football rules as the players usually ignore the Ref and argue amongst themselves - not unlike the NFL.
THE RULES
The play is pretty much like a normal football game but on a 25-30 yard field. I created a series of rules detailed in sealed envelopes. Every time possession changes due to downs or scoring, the offense gets to pick one envelope. Inside is the special rule that will be enforced until possession changed again.
EXAMPLES OF RULES
Here are a few of the rules we’ve used in the past to give you an idea how to write your own if you decide to play.
All players must run backwards.
All players must skip and flail their hands.
The quarterback must wear a blindfold.
The ball carrier’s feet can’t touch the ground.
Teammates must hold hands.
The football will be substituted with a stuffed animal, preferably a turkey if you have one (which I do).
As you can see, you just make up rules that will make the game silly. Make a mental note of the rules your family thinks are the funniest so you can use them again next time.
If we ever have a Thanksgiving where it’s not freezing, snowing, or raining, it will be super fun to play, now that ALL the grandkids are old enough to participate.
It’s been waaay too long since I’ve hunted turkeys on Thanksgiving.
I’ve got my camo and my stuffed turkey.
Tell Hank Williams Jr. “I’m ready for some football!”
P.S.
I got this genius idea from my dear friend Mike Krueger in his comment: “The annual awarding of the Vince ‘Lamebardi’ traveling trophy would be hysterical. Sociopaths are people too.”
“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ”