A NOTE FROM STUPID GRANNY
EMOTIONALLY ABUSED MINION OF UGLY BUGLY
I apologize for interrupting your journey to Witch School Training but thought some cautions were needed to keep you from being horrified, traumatized, or disappointed. As you can read in the Origin of Witch School on the page that follows, I participated in my first Witch School over forty years ago with my two pre-school daughters. Our Halloween fun continued each year as we donned our witch hats to make crafts, carve pumpkins, play with spooky make-up, and create monster games.
It wasn’t until the first two grandchildren were pre-schoolers that Ugly Bugly was created. Our first contact with her was when she stole all the candy to ruin trick-or-treat. Our mission was to go on a treasure hunt to find it. Many adventures followed over the decades during which we got to know this strange and contrary woman through her letters, threats, and altercations with the police.
Alas, this year, our last grandchild has reached an age where Witch School would seem a little silly, so Ugly Bugly is taking a well-deserved sabbatical. If and when we welcome great-grandchildren, perhaps she will resurface — but just in case I am not here when the new generation is born, I wanted to write something to inspire Maggie and Mollie to carry on the tradition of Witch School and keep Ugly Bugly alive in the memories of their children and grandchildren.
Truthfully, she is an awful witch with huge empathy problems. If she wants something, she takes it. She lies all the time, mostly to make herself sound more interesting. But as we got to see her terrible behavior, mean spirit, and selfishness, we also got to see her kindness, playfulness, and attempts at connection. She provided us with hundreds of opportunities to understand why people seem bad and how they still have goodness on the inside. We found ways to reach her from time to time, and learned the importance of love. With that said, here are some cautions.
1) Ugly Bugly is a frightful, angry mess looking to make people feel bad so she feels better. She is outrageous and funny — but in a dark way. For example, she off-handedly suggests teachers get a black cat as a prop for their Witch School, reminding them to figure out a way to dispose of it after Witch School is ended. Some people will find her psychopathy off-putting. As adults, our family is tickled by it. The kids know she’s naughty, they just don’t realize the depths of her craziness until they’re a bit older.
2) This training course was written to amuse Maggie and Mollie and the grandchildren. I have tried to represent Ugly Bugly’s persona in her writings in hopes they will hear Ugly Bugly’s voice in the writing.
3) This is not really a training course so much as a fun framework I used to memorialize this odd witch on paper, to preserve some of our past fun with her, and provide a few tips for making her a family memory and perhaps even a sustained family tradition at Halloween.
4) When I thought about sharing this with my broader family and friends, I knew some did not celebrate Halloween due to deeply held religious beliefs or worries about satanic influences. I made a special newsletter list for the Witch School invitations, but omitted these folks to keep from upsetting them. I may have missed some, and apologize if you are one. Although I see the holiday and the assortment of spooky characters as cultural fun, I respect that you do not and love you dearly.
5) If you came sincerely looking for how to have a Witch School for your kids or grandkids, I think you will be disappointed and horrified, but you will find some useful tips and resources in the things I wrote for Maggie and Mollie, even though the tips are packaged with a vile witch. Hopefully, you will come to love her like we do - or at least excuse her for her mischief and grandiose eccentricities (e.g., like the cards she made and sold on Etsy because she was upset that Christmas had more greeting card traffic than Halloween — here’s one).
Now that you are properly warned, it’s not too late to turn back!
