What is the most precious asset you have in life? I am not sure if it is the same for everyone, or if it changes at different points in our life - but I am sure, everyone’s list should include “agency.”

I read an interesting essay lately in which the author maintained, “before you grasp, you must reach.” Agency is that very kind of reaching. It is the capacity to act without a threat pushing you or a reward pulling you. Agency is the capacity to act from within yourself. Everyone has it to some degree, but the more you have, the better your life will be. So how can you get more agency?

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It may seem like there aren’t many things you can count on in life, but one certainty is that you will be triggered. You are, after all, an animal. You are wired to juice up warning chemicals that set your body ablaze when threats trigger that response. Be grateful. It helped your ancestors survive. It will up your chances of staying alive and unharmed too.

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There is a wonderful little book called Atomic Habits by James Clear, and I am excited to tell you about it.

Bad habits compound. Smoking leads to yellow teeth, bad breath, stinky clothes, less money, disease, and you can imagine from there.

Good habits compound. The good effects get better and better. For example, quitting sugar soda compounds to fewer cavities, saved money, weight loss, higher self-esteem, and you can imagine from there too.

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I am a planner. I love everything about it. Some things in life are super hard and/or deeply complicated. They scare me. I don’t want to fail. So I plan. But sometimes, I paralyze myself. Sometimes for years and years, like with my website. That was the last “planning” straw for this camel’s back. It finally convinced me of something I just didn’t want to believe… you don’t need to work that hard!

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Long-haired, dirty hippie.
Coward. Draft-dodger.
Know-it-all Bitch.
Tragic waste of potential.

Just a few names people have tried to give your Granny and Paw over the years. Even though other people try to give you their labels, you get to decide whether you wear them or not. Sadly, the cruelest labels are often the ones we give ourselves.

Let’s stop all that.

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Comparison is undermining. If you compare yourself to other people, you will usually decide you are not enough of whatever you’re measuring. You decide incorrectly!

Know this: There is no right answer to your life. You get to make it up as you go along.

Did you ever hear of John Pierpont? He was a failure by some people’s standards. He graduated from Yale and became a teacher for a short time, but lost the job because he was too easy on his students.

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You can’t do everything you want to do. You can’t do everything other people want you to do. You might believe you can, but you are 100% wrong. Furthermore, if you try to do it all, it will make you miserable. Trade-offs are a part of life. We all need to learn to make trade-offs wisely.

So how do you choose when to say “yes” and when to say “no?” Here’s some hard won advice.

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Do you know that Artificial Intelligence (AI) has to practice thinking before it can analyze stuff. As you probably know, AI takes large sets of data and processes them through their AI neural networks to find patterns in data. To practice, the AI is given “similar” data to what they will analyze so it can teach itself how to recognize the patterns in the data. Once it has created the sophisticated algorithms it needs, then it is fed the real world data. But guess what: AI makes too many mistakes!

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There is a biography about Napoleon by Andrew Roberts. In one part, it describes Napoleon’s ten months in exile on an island. Exile is what happens when you’re an Emperor and they don’t want to kill you or put you in prison. Ten months for us would be since last August. Hmm. I wonder what you and I have accomplished since then. Here’s Roberts’ list of what Napoleon did to pass his time in that same period.

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When you find yourself shoveling loads of crap into your body, ask yourself why. If you live in 21st century America, the truth is almost never related to food. It’s fatigue, it’s anger, it’s stress, it’s fear, it’s being taken for granted, it’s loneliness, and so on. At times, we are each looking for a little short-term comfort from life’s difficulties — and those French fries will do the trick. Super-size, please.

We turn to food because we can’t find the real things we crave, like appreciation, forgiveness, or understanding. So the next time you’re feeling “hungry” follow these steps.

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Do you ever wonder how some people melt into a puddle when things get hard, while other people manage to pick themselves up and push themselves forward in the face of grief, fear, or pain — or even bank robbers (Yay, Ada)!

There is a whole tool belt filled with ways to give ourselves that kind of courage - to find hope in our heart, to find confidence in our actions, to inspire ourself to do that difficult thing. If you want a big life filled with the things that truly matter, you need courage to build it decision by decision.

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One of the Jedi powers you’ll want to cultivate in your life is the ability to empower yourself. Sometimes you want to be empowered for a huge challenge and sometimes just to be in a better mood. Most people look outside themselves, but it’s not there. If you learn to empower yourself from within, you are unstoppable.

So how do you shift your mind from one gear to the other?

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If I remember correctly, I heard about this first from David Allen, the author of Getting Things Done - but I’m not sure he’s the one who invented the idea. Mr. Allen is a time management guru. In his system he has this idea called the “2 Minute Rule.” It says if the task will take you less than two minutes, don’t put it on a list, just do it right away.

A lot of the things we avoid pile up in the back of our mind and make us feel bogged down and overwhelmed. The resistance is exhausting.

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Albert Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity gave us some important insights that change the way we understand the universe. Although they were considered a little crazy at the time, his ideas have since been proven and led to many more discoveries. Here’s a little one that you should think about when you are feeling helpless, hopeless, weak, and insignificant.

Because of Einstein and the many scientists that came after him, we know space is actually a gravitational field. We know that gravitational field curves and twists, bends and tilts. And we know why.

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Your grandfather has been working on a messy project to plaster and repaint our bathroom. I emptied the room to protect its contents from copious plaster dust and to give him easy access to the nooks and crannies of this lovely room. Consequently, I’ve been walking past an array of boxes filled with endless first aid supplies, cosmetics, various styles of curling irons, and so on.

WHEN THINGS ARE NOT IN THEIR RIGHT PLACE, THEY ARE CLUTTER

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The people who love you will sometimes give you unsolicited advice, maybe even in the form of a Mugwump Musing. In their concern for your happiness, they may try to solve your problems, even though your problems are not theirs to solve.

When even your own granny does this, please know it is not because she doesn’t trust you to find your way. She knows you have all sorts of tools to deal with the challenges and opportunities in your life.

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No matter how serenely you move through life, there will be minutes or months that your peacefulness is disrupted by melancholy. When there is a specific reason, it’s easier to face. But when a pall of grey falls over your otherwise technicolor life for no apparent reason, it can be more disconcerting.

Are these physical changes?
Are my hormones off?
Am I sick?
Am I carrying too much stress?
Am I not carrying enough stress?
Am I feeling lonely, unworthy, exhausted, sleepless, meaningless, and so on ad infinitum?

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You can’t get where you want to go, you can’t be who you want to be, unless you’re learning all the time. I think learning is of paramount importance in life, because it cultivates two key attributes: curiosity and wonder. The point of learning is to add to your knowledge base so you can analyze and synthesize information across different disciplines, create new combinations, and grow as a human and maybe create some goodness along the way.

One of the best ways to learn is to read books, and the best books to read are the ones that have stood the test of time. Now you may ask, “How much time, Granny?” The time depends on the subject.

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I learned a lot about hues from your grandfather. Watching him paint washes and tints all these years has helped me understand how to make things jump off the canvas or fall into the background.

Thinking is like that too. One of my favorite quotes in the Bible is “Seek and ye shall find.” A common interpretation is if you look for something, you will find it. So so true! You really do find what you’re looking for.

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“Dunbar's number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships—relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person.” I was reading an article by one of my favorite writers, Eric Barker. It was loaded with fun facts about social relationships and this amazing number.

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